This post has taken a lot of contemplation and thought, as it feels very personal and raw to share these ways to encourage the special needs parent in your life because these things are things that I too need from those around me.

In my last post, I shared practical ways to serve the tired special needs parent in your life, but in this post, I’m going to hone in on ways to encourage them.

It’s probably evident by now, but special needs parents not only bear a lot of physical stress but emotional stress. Every day, we face the grief of our child’s challenges, suffering, and future. This emotional stress wears a soul down. We need encouragement. We need someone to help us lift our eyes to see the sunshine rather than the puddles.

1. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN; Don’t try to fix it. Just let them vent to you. You may not understand, but your willingness to listen to the dark parts of their lives and hearts, and do so without an appalled look on your face, means the world to them. When I asked special needs parents in various groups I’m in, what things made them feel most encouraged, loved, and served, this is their #1 answer. Someone to listen to them without judging or offering their opinions. Someone unafraid of their tears and turmoil.
2. Speak Truth; You may not know this, but it’s tough to reconcile all the emotions that come with raising a child with special needs. You feel failure, guilt, shame, anger, rage, depression, anxiety, and a host of other very dark and painful emotions. It can be nearly impossible to find the light when in the trenches and hard seasons. So remind us gently of the truth that God loves us and is near. We don’t need lecturing, but we need help finding the truth. Help us to cling to God when our fingers are raw from grasping too tightly for too long. Help us search for the positives rather than the defeats. Help us remember God’s promises to never leave or forsake us.
3. Pray with us and for us; be specific in your prayers for us and be realistic. I was challenged by my counselor to write out practical prayer requests. Such as “strength to get out of bed each morning” or “patience when my special needs child and other child need my attention at the same time” or “relief from migraines.” So often, people pray for a miracle for Shirley, and while that is not wrong, what I need is prayer to face the challenges of each day. Ask your friend to give you tangible things you can pray for, and if possible, stop and pray with them then and there.
4. Text us, call us, write to us, without expecting anything in return; It may seem insensitive of your friend to not respond to your text message encouraging them, but it’s not because they don’t care. Most special needs parents spend the day on calls with pharmacies, doctors, therapists, working with their child, doing as much as possible in the small windows of time we have to clean our homes or make food to eat. I personally physically cannot always respond to every person that reaches out to encourage me (though I do try, it’s not always timely). But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t lift my spirits and encourage me tremendously, it just means I am juggling a lot, and I cannot do all things well, and often balls get dropped.
5. Be patient with us; Parenting, in general, can make you lose yourself if you’re not well tethered to Christ. Parenting a child who is medically complex demands even more of that parent’s attention and focus. After so long of living in the reality of blood draws, and therapy, and hospital trips, we can forget how to talk to people outside of that world. I forget how to simply be a friend or a wife or a daughter because I’m consumed with being a caregiver and advocate 24/7. Be patient when we’re quiet or awkward. Be patient when it seems we’re struggling with the same things for months or years on end.