Last week I shared 5 ways to prepare to love that special needs parent in your life. Now I want to tackle practical ways you can serve them. Think, boots on the ground, helping.

Learn how to care for their child; depending on the severity and condition of their child, and your abilities, take the time to learn how to care for their child. Teaching you maybe work for this parent at first, to teach someone how to do everything they have been doing without a second thought. But it will help them in the long run to have a friend or two that feels confident in stepping in for a bit if they get sick and need help, or need an hour to get out of the house or a date night.

Feed them; This seems like a simple thing, but it can also be very stressful. So let me elaborate. We cannot eat gluten, grains, dairy, soy, refined sugar, nightshades, or legumes. The most precious people are those who asked me to send them recipes our family could eat and promised to prepare them for us as such. Others purchased gift cards for places that had options for things we could eat. Not everyone is as restrictive as we are, but many kiddos with special needs have specific dietary requirements, and often families will adjust their diet to make it easier for their unique child. Cash is also helpful for the food court when we are at the hospital or have food ordered and brought to us. When your kid is struggling, the last thing on your mind is eating and taking care of yourself.

Give them company and listen; Normal parenting can be lonely. Special needs parenting can be entirely isolating. The days and nights are long, and many parents live in the reality that any day could be their child’s last. So show up. Hang out at their home, play with their other children, wash their dishes, chat with them. Don’t offer solutions or try to fix the problem. Just listen and be there. Ask questions if you want to understand better. These are our babies, our lifeblood, and you can bet that we have scoured every deep recess of google to find any glimmer of hope. We know the ins and outs of our child’s condition and can explain it better than most doctors. Special needs parents don’t need you to fix it. We need you to walk alongside us and support us in the journey.

Home maintenance and chores; Especially in our case with Shirley, we never know what a day or night will bring. Her condition waxes and wanes, so some days are bad and some are good. Parents of kids with special needs live on the edge, never knowing when a meltdown, sickness, or flareup will come. Mowing the grass, doing dishes, scrubbing floors, it is the farthest thing from our minds. And while sometimes, cleaning my house is therapeutic, it also takes me from something else that I should be doing that’s more important. Offer to come and clean. Show up and pull the weeds. It has worked out a few times that someone has come to clean our home while we were in the hospital with Shirley. It felt magical after being in the hospital with Shirley for a few days to come home to a clean and tidy home. I could rest and recoup from the ordeal.

Offer to watch their other children; When our complex kiddos are at their worst, it’s easy for their siblings to get lost in the shuffle. And try as we might, we can’t do it all. So take their kiddos out to the park or the library. Have them over to your home to play with your kids. Adelaide has a standing play date every Wednesday with a dear friend from church, who happens to be 80 years old. Addie will tell you; Mary Alice is her best friend. Time with Mary Alice is precious to Addie. She has undivided attention and I focus my energy on other things that need to be done.

These 5 things are, by all means, not a comprehensive list. And that said, many families’ situations look different and may have different levels of needs. My friend Brianna, who also has a sweet, medically complex little gal named Shirley, has posted 12 Practical Ways to Support Parents with a Child in the Hospital, and it is a fantastic list geared towards parents in the hospital with their kiddos! Be sure to check it out.