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Loving the Special Needs Parent in your Life – Part 2 – five ways to prepare

Loving the Special Needs Parent in your Life – Part 2 – five ways to prepare

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In my previous post, I touched on why special needs parents need some extra love and support, but today, I want to help you prepare.

Yes, it may seem silly that you have to prepare to encourage and serve someone, but these thoughtful considerations will not only make those you’re reaching out to feel valued, but it’ll make your life a lot easier too.

So that said, here are five ways you can prepare to love that friend who has a child with special needs.

Commit to the long haul; this special needs parent doesn’t get a break or a vacation, or reprieve from this reality. Unless there is a cure or miracle, caring for their child is their future. Be willing to come alongside them, not just when they receive the diagnosis, or things are publically intense, but when the years pass and their arms are weary, and their hearts are heavy. Be in it for the long haul. However, that may look for you.

Do not be easily offended; sometimes, you may offer to help or a word of advice that isn’t received as enthusiastically as you anticipated. It’s okay. There have been mornings where women have offered to watch Adelaide for me. And while sometimes this could be helpful other times, Shirley is napping, and Addie and I are having quality time together, and it is vital that I guard those one-on-one times with her rather than disrupt them. You don’t always see the whole picture, so be gracious if they turn you down.

Be available; Obviously, you cannot be available 24/7. No one is asking that of you. But it is helpful if you try to make your availability clear to your friend. So they know, most Sunday evenings from 7-8, you are free if they need help or a listening ear, and if you’re not free, you’ll let them know ahead of time. That steady, consistent presence is immeasurable! It doesn’t mean they’ll need you every single Sunday, but knowing there’s someone they can call on if they need it, speaks volumes.

Take time to research their child’s diagnosis (if there is one and they wish for you to know); I cannot speak for all special needs parents, but personally speaking, this has been so valuable. Shirley is 1 of 300 kids worldwide. Her diagnosis doesn’t even have an official name. No one has a clue what it is, so I spend most of my conversations (and energy) explaining her condition. Those who took the time to study and understand Shirley’s diagnosis and what it meant for her and our future (particularly right after we received it, and I told them) meant the world to me. It showed me they wanted to understand. And that understanding saved me from ignorant comments based on a lack of knowledge.

Love their child; This may seem obvious, but this parent needs to know that you genuinely love their kid. Pitty is degrading and never helpful. But genuine love sees the “wonderfully and fearfully made” part of their kid and cherishes it. Love sees their child as more than the challenges they face, but as a precious life with immeasurable value.

Know that you aren’t going to do everything right, but I genuinely believe if you do these five things, it will set you up to love that hurting parent well. It shows them you care, not just about the hubbub surround their child, but you genuinely care about their well being and heart, and you love their child.

Stay tuned for some practical things you can do to serve that parent!

Loving the Special Needs Parent in your Life – Part 1 – Why

Loving the Special Needs Parent in your Life – Part 1 – Why

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Being a parent to a child that has special needs, whether those needs be social, emotional, or physical, is HARD.

Most parenting goes through phases of development. Eventually, you leave the diaper years, and your child can use the bathroom themselves. One day, you wean your child from a bottle or nursing, and then later, you no longer have to spoon-feed your child. At some point, your child is even capable of making their food. You dream of your child learning to drive, and getting a job, and married and having their children.

The special needs parent’s dreams look a little different. Depending on their needs, they may never stop changing their child’s diapers. They may never stop spoon-feeding their child. Driving and jobs and marriage may not even be in the equation. Instead of vacations, they trade them in for hospital stays.  Instead of date nights, they have tube feeds and medications. They have to fight for joy and choose peace in a tough situation.

These parents are weary, exhausted, and often isolated. It’s not as easy to go out with friends, or host parties, or do every day essential tasks.

I have had others ask me time and time again, how they can help, and honestly, I often don’t know what to say. Because there are a million and one ways, people can help. But where do I even begin? I mentally sort through all the skills that person has and how they could meet a need using their gifts, I weigh in the cost it takes them(time or money), I try to calculate if they are merely being kind or genuinely want to help. And in the end, feeling overwhelmed, I only say, “please pray for us.”

Ultimately, prayer is what we need. Only God can bring peace amidst the chaos of my heart. Hope amidst a bleak diagnosis. And true joy when there is so much suffering. So my answer will always be “pray for us.” But it can and should be more than that. People want to help, and I should be able to let them.

In reflecting on how we could use encouragement and help, and in talking with other special needs parents, I thought it would be helpful to list the ways that others can love those of us who are suffering. I hope to be able to give you practical “boots on the ground” advice because chances are you know a parent of a child with special needs, and chances are they could use your love through this treacherous journey.

With that said, this series will be filled with ways you can encourage, serve, and love that weary parent in your life. I may even get crazy and do a follow-up series concerning siblings of those with special needs.

I hope you follow along on this journey. Stay tuned for part 2!

 

Stories of Faithfulness

Stories of Faithfulness

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Where do I start? How does anyone truly tell their story? Our story isn’t just chapters, but a whole book series. So you won’t find our whole story in one post, because there’s just too much to share. Our story has been laced with grief, sorrow, and tragedy and also joy, peace and lots of love.

Our family has faced the loss of a child, loss of my grandparents, and the birth and diagnosis of a medically complex child with special needs all in a 2-year span. Our marriage has struggled and flourished, navigating the murky waters of unpredictable grief, the ups and downs of parenthood.

Here in this place, you will find pieces of our story, and things I am learning as a wife, mother, friend, and woman of God. You will find things we are doing to homeschool our oldest daughter and the ways we are working with our youngest to help her make progress in her development. You’ll find quick and easy paleo/keto friendly recipes I love to make to keep my family nourished and healthy. And thoughts on theology and how the gospel intersects with my everyday life.

Most of our lives are nothing glamorous. They are days, months and years, filled with hundreds of mundane moments. Washing the dishes, changing a diaper, packing lunches, making a bed, driving to work, buying groceries. Whether you’re a wife, mom, or a single woman, you know these mundane moments well.

Life is also filled with extraordinary moments, the loss of a child or spouse or parent, disappointment, disease or disability, the birth of a child, a new job opportunity, moving, marriage, trips overseas or across the county.

What I hope to answer as I am journeying this path myself, is how to live faithfully in each moment of each day, whether it be mundane, or extraordinary. What does it look like to be faithful to our children, to our husbands, to our family and friends, and most importantly the Lord? The answer will look slightly different for each woman, but my prayer is that my words would be able to point you to the goodness of God.

The Old Testament speaks often of proclaiming the goodness and faithfulness of God, the ways he has worked and is working, to carry the stories down through the generations. My prayer is our families story would be told down through generations and in turn point others back to the gospel and the great love God has for His covenant children and our need for a Savior.